Hard feelings

I was a tough feeling ineloquent person, it was a sentimental person. A kid, the parents, who often live in hardship and fight, can not tell who is right, but, life Jiujiang were forced on the catharsis, and their tolerance of this path. Accustomed to looking at their endless quarrels, but also tired of cold sadness of their appearance, I am not going to disturb them. Sometimes, they would beat me, I rarely cry, strongly endured, in the eyes there is a fear that they look. I love hiding in the door, a man quietly fantasize Zhang a time. I Zhang, and parents know what I forbear, and stronger, perhaps because of the emotional deprivation of the past, self-blame, many things that they want to care about, but will not dare to intervene, put on an indifferent look. Perhaps I had been accustomed to premature heart of their concern for the time being unable to accept their changes. Although, I always eager to mothers clutching my injured me, and comforted me. May be, this is only as an idea stuck in my mind. Because I was afraid of this luxury request was refused, I will crush the strong appearance. I can not let them think I'm a weak and need to protect their children. I always felt a kind of vague but non-perforation of the things that lie between us. At meal time, I happened to realize that they are clear of the unfamiliar, I have this feeling of shame, fear, Is thinking of their own problems? Even my retrace the past life, looking for traces of my thinking, to verify that it's correct or not; or are there other reasons, I say. Childhood environment, let my feelings with the initial outline. I seem to have formed around an implicit sense of difficulty, they thought I was an alternative. However, I told them there are on alert, I will not disturb anyone, and will not help with them, rarely have to interfere with their actions. I am very sensitive to words and deeds with others, even a look, a silk natural smile, an unintentional, then I can capture the information hidden behind them. One children have matured to speculate on other people for their attitude. Loneliness is the main theme of my childhood, I have the habit of noise to keep some distance. However, I do not hate noise, and even eager to penetrate noise in mind. I, however, is difficult to become really involved in any case, though, the dancing in noise, vapor, Kexin was back to the dark corners, quietly watching crazy dancing body, so I did not feel lonely and the neglected bleak, but feel to a busy and noisy hovering between the quiet. I would like to negotiate with the other people have feelings, but fear representations hurt. Thus, I like a man alone to observe the humble life, how hard to twist stubborn way of life. I have a kind of affinity with them, in my eyes, they are the same with me children, and the stubborn tenacity of the living.